


In Which the Egos Freak Out. A Lot.

by Closeted_Bookworm



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Arachnophobia, Chase is awesome, Family night gone wrong, Freak out, Funny, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23999818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closeted_Bookworm/pseuds/Closeted_Bookworm
Summary: The Ipliers aren't phased by much, but there is one fear they all share. And it's frankly hilarious.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	In Which the Egos Freak Out. A Lot.

For most of the Ipliers, fear was an unfamiliar emotion. Their group included four genocidal robots, a demon, a bubblegum-scented psychopath, a man with the powers of a god in his voice, and a family pediatrician, all of which faced danger and stress on a daily basis. The Ipliers in general were a pretty indestructible bunch. 

But there was one thing.

One thing so terrifying it sent even Dark scrambling out of the way. 

Something so horrifying, so hideous and ghastly no ego could cope.

It was currently scuttling across the floor of the living room. 

“Kill it, kill it!” Bim screamed from the back of the couch, watching the spider, as big around as a quarter and devilishly fast, scurrying through the shag carpeting. King, who was inside the house for the first time all week and was seriously regretting not skipping group movie night, cowered in the corner of the room, curled in the tightest ball he could manage. Three out of four Googles had literally frozen with fear, joints locked in place, and Oliver and Bing had climbed onto the table, which was groaning ominously from the weight of two heavy metal androids. Eric had fled to his bedroom, Reynolds close behind him. The Host and Dr. Iplier were crouched behind a low concrete wall the Host had narrated into existence, with the doctor keeping up a running commentary on the arachnid’s progress so the Host wouldn’t have to force his Sight for too long. 

Yandereplier had unsheathed their katana from who knows where and was brandishing it in the vague direction of the spider while covering their eyes so they wouldn’t have to look at it, Illinois deftly dodging the flailing blade and bolting to the back of the room to join Captain Magnum and Ed Edgar. Silver Shepherd was hovering near the ceiling, and Yancy was blubbering on the couch, knees tucked up under his chin. The Jims were narrating the entire thing from the relative safety of the hallway, camera dipping and swinging as they tried to keep the little monster in frame. 

A deafening bang shook the room as Wilford fired into the floor several feet to the right of the spider, and Dark snatched the revolver out of his hands before he could get another round off and wrapped them both in the tendrils of his aura so Wilford could calm down and Dark could avoid the problem. No way was he going to be the one to squish the creepy thing. 

“Please someone kill it!” Bim yelled again. “I _hate_ spiders.”

“Yeah, join the club!” Dr. Iplier shouted back. “Host, it’s coming this way.”

The Host mumbled a few words, and a wave whipped through the carpet, throwing the spider away from the pair’s barricade. Unfortunately, it also catapulted it straight into Google Red’s lap. His frozen joints quivered and strained, but wouldn’t unlock.

“getitoffgetitoffgetitofFGETITOFF”

The android’s skin started heating up, causing the spider to jump onto the leg of Google Blue, who immediately started raising his temperature as well, his eyes glowing red from anger and fright.

“Oh my goodness it _jumps!_ ” Bim squealed, abandoning ship and leaping from the couch to join Dr. Iplier and the Host behind the wall as the arachnid hopped from Google Blue’s lap back onto the floor. 

A sudden knock on the door made everyone jump, and Silver flew down the hallway to get it, revealing a rather confused and worried-looking Chase Brody. 

“I got a text from Bing to get over here ASAP, is everything okay?”

“Oh Chase, thank goodness, there’s a _spider_ in the living room and everyone’s going ballistic and its _huge_ and it just showed up out of nowhere-”

“Hey, whoa, calm down, just show me where it is.”

Chase waded through the chaos of the panicking Ipliers over to the spider, crushing it with one decisive stomp. Everyone looked in awe at their savior, standing over the obliterated body of his foe. Even King uncurled to view the vanquisher of the great evil.

“You guys are kind of ridiculous, you know that?”

A chorus of thank yous rippled through the room, some sheepish, some sullen, most grateful. 

“Why didn’t you just get the Host to kill it with words?”

The room went quiet as they considered the logic behind that statement.

“The Host regrets he did not think of that. The Host was hyperventilating.” Dr. Iplier smacked his arm. “Ow.” 

“Well, if that’s all you guys needed-”

“Yes, that was all, thank you.” Dark interrupted, withdrawing his aura and straightening his tie where Wilford had grabbed it in terror. “If you could do us a favor and not tell anyone about this we would greatly appreciate it.”

Chase grinned and saluted. “Sure.”

After the door shut behind the Septic, Dark groaned. 

“This is going to be all over town within the week.”

“Undoubtedly.” Google grumbled, working his joints free one by one. 

Dark went to comfort Yancy and King, plucking Yandere’s katana out of their hands. Illinois went to tell Eric and Reynolds the spider was dead, patting Wilford’s shoulder comfortingly as he passed, the ego slowly simmering down from his violent outburst. 

The Jims immediately started interviewing people, Reporter Jim shoving his mike and tape recorder in everyone’s faces while Camera Jim got B-roll footage of the smear the spider had left on the carpet. 

Bing and Oliver clambered down from their perch to go help the other Googles get themselves in working order, the table creaking with relief as the massive weight was removed. 

The Host vanished the concrete wall he had made, rubbing his arm and marveling at his own stupidity. 

Unfortunately for the residents of Iplier manner, the spider had left a legacy. A tiny egg sack, hung safe and out of sight from even the most vigilant and observant of egos, was nestled somewhere in the house. One day, they would hatch. On that day, all hell would break loose.

**Author's Note:**

> This image came into my head and I found it so funny that I had to write this. I also hate spiders, so I can empathize. Bim is definitely me.


End file.
